fighting_fat

Love thy self

2012-01-29T01:50:00.000-08:00

Listening to Bohemian Rhapsody. Yes, I'm still obsessed with Queen

Yesterday was bad. I ate terribly. I met a friend for brunch in the city and ate poorly. I tried to make good choices, but from the limited vegetarian menu, I ended up ordering something that had a lot of oil and ricotta cheese. Feeling bad about this, I went shopping. I was feeling bad looking at my image in the mirror while trying on clothes. Hence when one of the stores were handing out free ice cream, I couldn't refuse. I love ice cream, I was feeling in need of a pick me up and it was free!

I tried really hard, but couldn't talk myself out of getting the free ice cream;-(

I don't think I need to say more about the rest of the day, terrible:( Probably a 1000 Calories over target!
And I didn't exercise because it was so Hot! Sweltering and humid weather that made me feel like I was struggling to breathe even at rest and a headache kept me away from the gym:(

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I am glad to say today was much better. I went to a pump class in the morning followed by 1hr of Cardio. I ate reasonably too.

Calories Total: 1000.

I am determined to lose the weight. I am not even 30 years old and I already have knee problems and back pain. If I want to take care of my self, I really need to lose weight and get core body strength. So My aims for this year are:

- swimming
-more weight training --> given how unmotivated I am on my own and cannot afford a personal trainer, I think pump classes may be the way to go.
-no more junk food
-love myself, learn to say No when necessary and respect myself. If I don't love and respect myself no one else is going to!

Update: day 1

2012-01-27T03:03:00.000-08:00

I went to the gym today! and did an hour of cardio. I did some weights but not as much as I should have. I hate weight training, but I shall persist.

Eating has been ok.
b/fast: nectarine (med), Large Cappucino,

Luch: Wholemeal bread (1 slice)/Vege sausage/1 kit kat/frozen yoghurt bar/ Peach (large)

Snack: Peach, Crackers 2

Dinner: Stir fry, Pear, yoghurt, 2 heaped spoons of milo

Calories Total: ~ 1300

I should work on cutting out the chocolate/crackers/yoghurt bar tomorrow. I am going to try and avoid all processed food.

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I have been feeling kinda out of it today as I feel quite betrayed by a colleague at work so I am grateful that I ate somewhat reasonably. I just can't get over how selfish and two-faced some people can be:-( I need to stop being such a sucker and learn to say NO more often.

Queen

2012-01-27T02:55:00.000-08:00

Listening to Living on My own by Freddie Mercury

My family were not really into popular music. They listened to classical Indian music, but even that only occasionally. I didn't grow up listening to pop or rock. Despite growing up in the 80's, I had never heard of Queen/Michael Jackson/Roxette/... until I was about 12 yo. My parents thought the music was going to corrupt me and hence I wasn't allowed to buy any records.

However when introduced to pop music by my best friend, age15 I became hooked. It was the 90s, but where I grew up, we were sheltered from popular American culture. She only had access to her fathers records and hence we listened to ABBA, the Beatles,.... and I fell in love with their music.

I recently came across a blog talking about Queen, Checked them on youtube, became hooked and read all about them on Wikipaedia and then Bought Their Greatest Hits 1,2 and 3.

I have been listening to them continuously and Love them! They totally Rock and I can't believe I've missed out on them for so long! Better late than never I suppose!

Federer vs Nadal

2012-01-26T11:55:00.001-08:00

Rafael Nadal won the semi final Australian Open Tennis Match. I was happy for Rafa! However I feel really bad for Federer. He looked so defeated and most certainly was not playing his best tennis. I wanted Rafa to win, but with Roger putting up more of a fight.

At least Rafa is through to the final now!

Here's hoping he wins the Championship!!! (although given that he will most likely play Djokovic, I'm not so sure of his chances!)

I'm going to fight!

2012-01-26T11:51:00.000-08:00

-- I am not going to gain back all the weight that I managed to lose (although I've nearly gained half of what I lost)
-- I am going to lose the weight that I have gained back
-- I am going to stop eating junk food/CAKES/CHOCOLATES!!!
-- I am going to start a food diary to hold me more accountable for what I am eating, starting TODAY
-- I am going to get back control and fight this Battle

OMG

2012-01-26T02:28:00.000-08:00

I just tried on my favorite pair of jeans and now feel like crying. I am absolutely devastated. They were so tight. I am so scared that I am not going to be able to lose all the weight that I have gained. I am scared that I am going to go on uncontrollably gaining weight.

I had to work so hard to lose the weight and now I feel so out of control and devastated.

I am so scared.

Sugar, Butter and Flour (Cake) - I hate you!

2012-01-26T00:35:00.000-08:00

I don't know what's wrong with me. Yet again I let my emotions get the better of me and ate too much :-( I'm utterly sick of this recurring pattern and desperately need to put a stop to it.

Yesterday, I didn't have time for lunch. But there was a party taking place in the tea room, for someone leaving. So what do I do? On my way I grab a freaking Brownie. Then a piece of cake the next time I walk through there. The worst thing was I didn't even get to enjoy these treats, as I was eating them on the run. I morn the loss of being able to sit down and enjoy every morsel of these delicious, so so calorie laden treats!

That was ok, but then I had to go and make things worse by having a cupcake after work finished. I don't regret the cupcake though. This time, I sat down and enjoyed every delicious mouthful. In fact my mouth is watering, just thinking about it now!

Anyways, whats done is done! time to move on and attempt to get back on track!

So Unfair for Rafa!!!

2012-01-24T02:53:00.000-08:00

I'm watching the Australian open tennis match of Rafa vs Berdych. I'm biting my nails, on the edge of my seat and thoroughly pissed off! I feel Rafa was robbed of that point on tie break and then again in the 2nd test. I don't know a lot about how these work, but feel that umpire really had it in for Rafa:-(

Here's hoping Rafa manages to hold on and win!

Kodak Moment

2012-01-20T03:54:00.000-08:00

I loved the old cameras and still remember buying film for them. We used to deliberate carefully before taking photos back then. Film were expensive and so was getting them developed.

The digital revolution certainly made taking photos easier and cheaper. Storing them on the computer and having the luxury to flick through thousands of photos from the last holiday/... is certainly fun.

However I like reminiscing and I love old things. I love 40's-60's fashion, I love the manners and chivalry from the Jane Austen era, or at least as depicted in her novels. My favorite bands are the Beatles and ABBA! I love the optimism people had back then and lived in a time when we all took responsibility for our actions. Maybe I am living in the past, looking at the past through rose tinted glasses!

Anyways, after all this rambling, all I wanted to say was: Thankyou Kodak for capturing all those memories! and being with us all these years. Another big business being eaten up by the digital age.

Hurting all over

2012-01-20T03:40:00.001-08:00

I had a fall today, grazing my knees and big toe. I am in so much pain, but also thankful that I didn't suffer any major injuries. This prevented me from going to the gym and food has been terrible. After a week of clean eating, I went to town on the chocolates today. But I am going to jump straight back onto my clean living, starting right now!!! I am so disappointed with this set back though:( But the immediate goal is to prevent myself from heading to the kitchen now and having a binge. I will resist!!!!

I saw Tin Tin. I loved the TinTin books as a kid, back in the 90's. Who could forget Captain Haddock, Thomson and Thompson, Snowy and the Professor Calculus. The professor did not make an appearance in this movie, but hopefully makes it into the next movie. It was an enjoyable movie and brought back memories of carefree days reading tin tin back in the day!

Matthew Rhys

2012-01-13T04:21:00.000-08:00

In addition to Luke Macfarlane, I also love Matthew Rhys who plays his husband in Brothers and Sisters. I have seen him in a few things for instance, the movie 'love and other disasters' and clips of 'the edge of love'. I really want to see The edge of Love now!

I think he is absolutely amazing. In Brothers and Sisters, he plays Kevin Walker Brilliantly. I love how he captures Kevin's Sensitiveness, Sarcasm, Bravery and Hopefulness. He is seriously talented! And I love his interviews too, He comes across as a really charming and funny guy! With an adorable Welsh accent. Why can't I meet a guy like him?

I predict, or at least hope he becomes a major star like Colin Firth.

Update of my quest to lose 20lb: I've lost 2 lb. I went to the gym today and did cardio for 60min followed by weights. I've so weak, that I was working out at the minimum weights the machines had and I was still struggling, which was quite embarrassing. My eating today has been good so far. Its been a real struggle getting over my sugar and carb cravings, but today for the first time I made good choices and did not crave chocolate or carbs. I hope this sticks!

Luke Macfarlane

2012-01-12T06:17:00.000-08:00

I think I am more in love with Scotty from Brothers and Sisters! I love his character, who is so gorgeous, kind, warm, loving and honest. I wish I could meet a guy like him;)

In terms of my diet, I did not exercise today but justified it by saying I needed a break from the gym, given that I've gone 3 days in a row! Surely I deserve a break after such diligence. Food hasn't been great, but every day that passes by, that I don't eat or crave chocolates or binge is a victory for me. So a Victory it is! I am anxiously waiting for a change in the scales!

I'm going to go watch more Brothers and Sisters and fall more in love with Scotty now.

Zumba!!!

2012-01-10T19:46:00.000-08:00

I went to a Zumba class yesterday. I was anxious as the last time I attended a zumba class back in 2009, I sneaked out after 5 min due to knee pain and being intimidated by all the other awesome dancers.

This time I was determined to stick it through. I was still really bad at all the steps and ended up going to the left when everyone else was moving to the right and so on, but I kept moving, and following the steps as much as I can and stuck through the work out. I ended up having a blast and hopefully burned some calories.

I was proud of myself for staying the whole hour. I was so tempted to leave so many many times! Everyone else seemed so awesome and I felt so self conscious, until I thought, whatever! I'm going to have fun and work on my fitness! and I did, Yay!

Weighing in

2012-01-10T19:39:00.000-08:00

I was devastated to see how much weight I'd gained in the past few months. Nearly 10 pounds. After having lost nearly 50 pounds by hard work and dedication, this is devastating to me. Why did I gain all this weight in such a short period of time? I think its partly due to being too busy and making unhealthy choices regarding food and also the defeatist attitude of eating junk food, followed by thinking, 'whatever, my diet is ruined now anyways, let me do a proper demolition job and eat everything else I have been restricting over the past few years!'

The scales gave me the reality check that I needed. Time to put a stop to this! I have been true to my new healthy me plan for the past 3 days. I have also started going to the gym regularly, that is 3 out of 3 so far!

My goals this year are to:
- lose those 10 pounds I have gained. and maybe more if possible to a max of 20 lb
-Work on toning. I want to start doing weights and get stronger
-Embrace swimming and overcome my fear of the water.
-Eat well. So what if I went out with friends and had a delicious chocolate cake and other sweets? As long as get back into eating right, instead of pigging out when I get home I can prevent myself from gaining weight. -- Stop feeling guilty about having treats, but make sure they remain strictly occasional!

Best Wishes for 2012!!!

2011-12-31T21:12:00.000-08:00

So, My new obsession is the tv show Brothers and Sisters. I came across this show accidently on re-runs and fell in love with it, despite never seeing it when it was on.

I love the walker family, I love how supportive they are of each other. And to a certain extent Nora Walker reminds me of my mum!

I came across the serenity prayer in season 5, ep 2 of the show. It is a beautiful prayer and made me smile and hope.

The Serenity Prayer

God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.
Living one day at a time;
Enjoying one moment at a time;
Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;
Taking, as He did, this sinful world
as it is, not as I would have it;
Trusting that He will make all things right
if I surrender to His Will;
That I may be reasonably happy in this life
and supremely happy with Him
Forever in the next.
Amen.

--Reinhold Niebuhr

Dealing with disappointment

2011-12-31T01:24:00.000-08:00

I don't understand why, everytime I feel disappointed or sad I crave high carb, high fat comfort food. And all it takes is one bite and then I can't stop eating junk food. I ate way too much again during christmas and have now decided to put an end to this once and for all. I am going to lose the weight I have gained this year!

I was so determined and did well for 2 days, but unfortunately cracked today. I had a tough day at work, and of course turned to food. However it was only 2 shortbread biscuits I ate and am trying to be good now. I am fighting the urge to get some chocolate, and lucky for me I haven't got any at home and am too lazy to head out to the shops.

Sometimes I wish it didn't have to be so hard all the time, but I guess that is life.

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I can't believe its a New Year tomorrow! Its going to be 2012! I still remember 2000 New Year and all the hoopla surrounding Y2K! And now its been 12 yrs since then! It makes me really sad how quickly the time has flown by. I remember saying on my 21st b'day, now that I'm over 20, its going to be all down hill from here with the next stop being 30, but really thinking that 30 was so so far away! And now here I am about to turn 30 next year.

I certainly don't think 30 or even 40 or 50 is down hill any longer. I just want to achieve the normal goals that people achieve that seem to be eluding me, like getting married, having a family etc. I enjoy being single and the independence that goes with it, but it can be so darn lonely.

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I can't believe I have to work tomorrow. I worked on New Years day this year too and boy what a terrible day it was. My colleague did not turn up to work and blamed it on the i-phone malfunctioning and his alarm not working. He then proceeded to not receive any calls either. Which meant I was so busy. I eventually emailed him and he finally sauntered into work at around mid-day, instead of the 8am at which we were supposed to start work. It was such a busy and unpleasant day too.

Here's to hoping and praying that 2012 is nothing like that and that it will be a Happy year and I shall strive very hard to achieve all my dreams ;-)

Hope everyone has a Happy New Year

My 30 before 30 List

2011-12-17T22:16:00.000-08:00

I'm sure there aren't 30 things I can think of right now, but this shall be a work in progress and I shall keep updating it!

1) Reach my goal weight and maintain!

2) Finally finish reading Emma, by Jane Austen

3) Visit New York City

4) Spend lazy summer days roaming through Paris

4) Traveling Bucket List: Patagonia, Cuba, Paris, Italy, Spain

5) Finally accept who I am, all that I have achieved and be proud of who I am. Stop being so over critical of myself. I think its about time I learned to love myself.

6) Get fit, work out and get those toned arms I have always wanted

7) Continue learning for my career. There is so much to learn and so little time to learn it all in.

8) Buy something from Anthropologie! I know this is such a superficial goal, but I absolutely love their clothes and it sucks that they charge so much to ship to where I live. I'll have to get it when I travel to USA/Europe

Random

2011-12-17T22:05:00.000-08:00

I so need a holiday! I have a few weeks off coming up in January and am really looking forward to it. I don't have any friends who have time off at that time and therefore am a little bit lost as to what to do. I really want to go to new york, but am a little bit worried about going on my own.

Eating has been some what off today. I broke down and had some sweets at work, but thankfully did not lose control and go overboard. I am thankful for small mercies. Its so hard trying to lose weight at this time of year.

I found a really cool blog, 30 before 30 by Miss April. And seeing as I shall be turning 30 next year, it gave me the idea to start my own 30 before 30 list. This will give me the opportunity to identify the things that I really want to do and hopefully start ticking them off my list. Usually I'm a bit of a procrastinator, so this is exactly what I need!

Jane Eyere

2011-12-16T21:57:00.000-08:00

I am currently reading Jane Eyere and almost towards the end of this great book. It took me a long time to get into this book as I found the beginning to drag on for a while. This might have been partly due to the fact that I was stressed with studying for exams.

I had almost given up on this book, however I saw the movie ( the one with Anna Paquin as young Jane) and loved the movie so decided to give the book another chance. I am totally gripped by this book and have it say it may be one of my favorites, along with Agnes Gray which was written by Anne Bronte.

I am still to read Wuthering Heights but its not a book I particularly want to read. I think the story is a little too morbid for me. I like happy endings:)

Massive Fail

2011-12-16T21:45:00.000-08:00

I was full of great intentions regarding my diet, I had been going to the gym as often as I was able to (which only added up to 2-3 times per week) but I was feeling motivated and feeling good about my diet. Unfortunately I had a massive binge yesterday.

There was lots of muffins, cupcakes, cakes and various other sweets at work. I was super busy and feeling really stressed, so started off with eating 1/2 a muffin, but it tasted so good that i had to have the whole muffing. This was followed by not having enough time to sit down and have lunch or dinner, so I snacked everytime I walked by the tea room:(

I don't even want to know how many calories I consumed yesterday.

I have decided not to let this get me down. I am going to jump straight back on the wagon! I feel proud that there were lots of sweets including nougart (my favorite) but I resisted temptation, yay:) I can do this!

I will lose all the excess weight I have gained!

Uplifting

2011-12-13T00:40:00.000-08:00

I have been ignoring my blog of late. I often want to write something, but I have been feeling really down about my life that I can't seem to get the motivation to start writing something. I think I am just sick of always worrying about being single and the eternal struggle with my weight.

Time for a facelift. I really like this new blog template. It is more upbeat and calming and hopefully cheer me up too :-)

Back to Basics

2011-12-13T00:27:00.000-08:00

Time to start weighing myself and paying attention to what I eat.
Time to start avoiding milo/ biscuits/ chocolates and ice-cream.
Time to start exercising regularly. -- I have been going to the gym and much as work permits, but unfortunately due to working so much recently I've only been making it 2 per wk on average, if I am lucky 3/wk

We shall see.............

Hopefully I can avoid the Season associated Bulge and lose a few pounds in the process.

Pathetic

2011-12-03T23:53:00.000-08:00

There is yet another wedding my parents are going to today. Lucky for me, I am working which gets me out of it.

I'm sure my mother will come back home with lots of encouragement for me to marry someone.

I wish I could meet my soulmate soon!

I wish I was the kind of girl who could settle for Mr Not quite right and be happy!

I wish I wasn't constantly hoping for my Jane Austen story to come true!

I know, pathetic!

Halloween!

2011-10-30T04:57:00.001-07:00

I don't think I knew what halloween was, until I was introduced to the joy of reading and came across in Judy Blume (the fudge series) and various other books. It seemed like a fun holiday, not something I was particularly keen to participate in or felt left out. Suddenly this year I have noticed Halloween becoming a much bigger deal than it used to be. I guess the power of Americal culture spreading more rapidly now due to the internet and social media. Just something that I found interesting.

In other news, my eating has somewhat stabilized and I have decreased my chocolate intake. Along with this my carb intake has also reduced and I am enjoying eating fruits and veges again which feels great and makes me feel healthy. I have also started exercising again and need to rev it up a notch. So, Hopefully I am heading in the right direction and can reverse the damage I have done over the past few months with my terrible eating habits and lack of exercise.

What have I been doing with my spare time?

- Well watching Gossip girls of course and spending ridiculous amounts of time worrying about Chuck's liver! Given all the time he spends drinking alcohol, surely he must have done some serious damage!

- How awesome a singer is Leighton Meester? I was of course cynical when I read that she has released an album. But listening to her songs on youtube, I must admit they are pretty good! I feel she deserves to have done better with her music than she actually did. I guess many people must have judged her harshly due to being an actress releasing a music album, which is really a shame.

- Apart from that I have been reading a lot of crappy romance novels. I have got to stop this and do something productive with my time!

ok, now I'm off to see more of Gossip girls and plan how to increase my productivity! ;)

Time is passing us by

2011-10-08T21:37:00.000-07:00

Gosh, I cannot believe its been over 3 months since I've blogged!

A lot has happened in those 3 months in someways and in someways, nothing has changed at all. And its OCTOBER already! Where has the time gone????

I was busy for a lot of that time, studying for an exam, which is thankfully over now. The rest of that time, I was falling for someone, alas not reciprocated and reading a lot of fashion blogs!

Eating a lot to get over said someone, and shopping up a storm to keep up with all those fashion blogs I had been reading!

Time to make some changes now, me thinks!

- No more shopping for 6 months, that is no more new clothes until April 2012 at the earliest. I don't know how those girls afford to stay uptodate with all the gorgeous new clothes they buy, but it is certainly not something my wallet can sustain, even though I predominantly shop at sales. -- this downturn for the retail sector has also got me down in the dumps. I don't want shops and department stores to close down. I don't enjoy shopping online nearly as much as I enjoy spending endless hours browsing through malls and department stores. I really hope malls and boutiques do not become a quirk of the past like book shops seem to have.

- Exercise regularly, sacrificing exercise as part of the many things I sacrificed for this exam was probably one of the biggest mistakes I made. The weight gain, feeling sluggish and loss of hard earned fitness was the debt I accumulated.

- No more junk food! Lately I have been eating chocolates uncontrollably to soothe a bruised heart and my hips are certainly NOT thanking me!

--> I can't believe another christmas is soon approaching!

End of Era

2011-06-03T18:26:00.000-07:00

Borders and Angus&Robertson stores in the city where I live are closing. They are having an administrators sale now and will be closing their doors for the last time soon. I went to my local Boarders store today just to have one last look, soak up the atmosphere of one of my favorite places. I was expecting to feel sad, and nostalgic. What I wasn't expecting was getting teary!

I love bookstores, books and reading. When I was younger, I spent many hours in book stores, looking at and planning books I would like to buy when I started working. I remember looking longingly at the Sweet valley high books as a teenager and trying to read as much as I can, because my mother would never let me buy them. The many hours I had spent growing up, browsing through their magazines. I just loved being surrounded by all these books. The smell! the wonder! the exciting adventures awaiting for us to pick them up and read them!

I know I too have probably contributed to the decline of book stores. I too am guilty of buying books online/or on kobo because they are cheaper.

I am really going to miss my local Borders and Angus & Robertson stores. I sometimes wish we had not made so many progresses in technology. Where is this going to lead us? With the retail struggling due to so many of us shopping online? The retail sector supports a lot of the workforce. What would happen to all those employees? What would we do on a weekend instead of going to the local Mall to meet our friends?

Shopping ban

2011-05-15T06:00:00.000-07:00

I am glad the striped tops are still in fashion. I have been longing for them for a while now and eventually bought a couple last week. I am very excited about this purchase. However I have been spending way too much money on clothes and am hence putting myself on a self imposed ban. Lets start with 1 month and try to extend that further if possible. In the meantime following in the footsteps of blogger fashionistas I am going to try shop in my closet! I am so bad when it comes to wearing new clothes. I love buying them but always fall back on my trusty, dependable clothes that I have worn too many times and are fraying/pilling and really need to be discarded.

Maybe 1 exception: I need a pair of boots, prior to commencement of the ban.

I have been away for a course for the past 2 weeks. The time away feels like it sped by and the course was pretty intense. I am happy to be back at home, however now have so much to catch up on and study.

I am glad the whole wedding hoopla of Kate and Will has died down. Nothing like a royal wedding to make you feel even more like a loser for not being anywhere close to getting married. I have finally accepted that not everyone has a prince/princess charming and have decided to live with that. I am going to focus on this exam for now because otherwise I will not be able to cope with it. The incredible sense of loneliness and a sense of being left out of this important stage of life just threatens to engulf me.

The Wedding

2011-04-26T04:34:00.000-07:00

I must admit that I am excited about the royal wedding. Kate middleton is so beautiful and I really love her style and clothes. I admire her poise and self confidence she must have possessed to have a conversation with Prince William, let alone attract him and marry him.

I like Prince William too. He seems like a nice, charitable, down to earth chap. I had a crush on him when I was 14. I can't think of any girl my age who didn't have a crush on him while we were growing up.

The two of them together look cute. They look like the real deal and seem to be really in love. I am happy that they found each other, especially after all the hardships Prince William has gone through in his young life.

What annoys me a little bit is how much this wedding is costing! Especially in these times of economic hardships when so many many people are starving.

Maybe I am just jealous. However I have always dreamt of my ideal wedding taking place in a registry office followed by a meal for a few close friends and family.

Hard work

2011-04-26T04:32:00.000-07:00

I am trying to grow as a person. Trying to be kinder, more patient and more understanding. I am struggling to get on top of my eating and spending less time procrastinating.

All this is really hard work, making me feel exhausted.

Just go with it.

2011-04-23T03:14:00.002-07:00

I saw Just Go with it, the movie with Jennifer Aniston and Adam Sandler, last week end. It has done really well at the box office and I am really glad for her, especially given her recent box office bombs. It was a great night out with friends, movie followed by pancakes. The movie was funnier than I had expected it to be and Andy Roddick's wife Brooke Denyer came across as a really sweet, ditzy blonde.

I really miss the good old romantic comedys that were out in the late 80s/early 90's such as 'when harry met sally'; 'you've got mail'; 'my best friend's wedding'....

I miss Julia Roberts and Meg Ryan.

Should I? Shouldn't I?

2011-04-13T02:00:00.001-07:00

Listening to I'm tired by Adele

I usually love the start of a new year. To me its a blank slate, full of new possibilities, new adventured waiting to be embarked on, new people to be met and new places to be visited. Its a time of wonder. However for the 1st time for as far back as I could remember, I was not excited about the new year.

I was working on new years eve and continued working right through new years until the 3rd of Jan until I had a few days break. I had an atrociously difficult time at work, coming home in tears nearly every one of those days, however that was not why I was so unenthusiastic about 2011. The reason was that I felt like I was stagnant. Not getting anywhere, not achieving anything and not growing as a person. Maybe I was just depressed.

Its just situational depression. A dissatisfaction with where my life is headed. I am coming to understand though now that I am the only person who has the power to be kind to myself. No one else is going to do that. I need to stop letting what other people say and do get me down. Its something I have been struggling with for a long time and continue to do so. Especially at work, the littlest thing can completely set me off and I fall apart, losing all confidence in myself. I need to stop allowing this to happen. Simpler said than done though.

My eating has been terrible, but I am hoping to change that. Once I start feeling a little bit better about things in general. Rejection is a hard pill to follow. That boy I had a crush on, turned out to be an absolute jerk. I am disappointed. I despair of ever meeting the right person. Maybe my standards are too high?

Work has been really hard as well. I love what I do at work. I have fun, find a purpose in it and love it. However some people have been really mean to me for reasons I can't seem to figure out and this has been eating away at me, making me doubt myself and lose confidence.

I sometimes wonder if anti-depressants will help me feel better about things? Or should I just suck it up and try to grow a stronger and thicker skin? I desperately need that thicker skin!

Giving up Carbs

2011-03-27T19:44:00.001-07:00

I have had a really BAD week in terms of food. I blame carbs for it and the last time I lost weight was by restricting carbs and hence have decided to give it up for a month and see what happens. Today was day 1. I'm doing allright so far today, however I did a night shift at work and hence spent most of today sleeping!

We shall see how the rest of this goes!

Work has been incredibly hard lately. I feel like such a klutz. A mute klutz at that and am so SICK of feeling like this. It is crazy. The louder my bosses are, the quieter I get which gives everyone a really bad impression of me. I am the only one who has the power to change it! But the minute I start doubting myself, the minute I think my boss is annoyed/irritated/.... with me, I just feel all my confidence draining away and start becoming quieter and quieter. I hate this and have to change. This is something I have been struggling my whole life and sometimes I feel like I'm never going to beat this. Then I think about how much I have changed already! I used to be so quiet and lacked confidence totally as a child and in high school. I am a different person now compared to that scared little girl. and I know I can get louder at work. I have to get louder and get noticed more. I will do it. God only know how long its going to take.

Don't you hate it when you have a crush on someone. I've got a crush on someone at work! He is tall and dark and handsome and oh so dreamy! Some one like that is never going to look at me twice. I know that. But I cannot seem to stop thinking about him. I am so scared I am going to really start liking this person and then get really hurt when they reject me (go on with their life never been aware of my crush!). However usually I like having a crush on someone. It gives you the chance to dress up, put some make up on and dreaming about said crush is such fun. However where I work we have very unflattering uniform, so really no opportunity to dress up. And I am studying for an exam, so really no time for day dreaming about my crush, and I am really annoyed with all the time I have already wasted day-dreaming about this boy. And to make matters worse, I hate that this crush has made me pig-out, out of nervousness and thinking about the hopelessness of it all.

Check-in 1

2011-03-22T01:43:00.000-07:00

Its been a week since I wrote my list of goals and action plan for losing weight. Alas, it did not go as well as I had hoped and hence in the vein of sticking my head in the sand, I did not weigh myself today. The last week has included 1 binge and eating out at a fast food restaurant, which left me feeling bloated and nauseated for a couple of days.

I had a lot to deal with in terms of where my head was at and therefore over ate, however am not trying to get back to normal. I am still eating more than I should, but am being good with no binging or eating junk food, so I am happy with that will take baby steps towards my goal!

I have been reading this blog goldenmeans (www.goldenmeans.wordpress.com). And Now I really wish we had the Anthropologie store in my neck of the woods. I adore there clothes. They seem to be so beautifully crafted and appear so whimsical and old fashioned, just the kind of clothes I love. Until an Anthropologie store opens here, I shall dream and browse their catalogue to my heart's content:) I don't like buying clothes over the internet (I know I am way behind the times), however I have need to try on clothes before buying them. Clothes that look stunning in the catalogues often may look terrible on me and vice versa.

There was a sale at Target and I got a cute sundress for an absolute bargain!

Envious

2011-03-20T02:06:00.000-07:00

I am so envious of the relationship Kate Middleton and Prince William seem to have. They seem to be So in Love. They have a university romance, that has stood the test of time and blossomed. I never met anyone I was interested in at university. I might have had the odd crush, but nothing ever came of it, nor did I ever expect anything to come of them.

I am so completely hopeless when it comes to crushes. Me being so shy, I probably give them the impression of extreme non-interest and aloofness.

I'm never going to meet anyone if I keep persisting with this behavior but find myself unable to change. Such is life:(

My brilliant goals I came up with last week were a bit of a failure. I did well for 2 days and then had a massive binge on Tuesday. I shall persist in trying though. I am serious about wanting to lose the weight and develop a healthy relationship with food.

So what if I failed once. I have picked myself up, dusted myself off and back to sticking to my goals. I have been exercising regularly and have eaten relatively well for the past 2 days. Hopefully the trend can continue

A Goal at Last

2011-03-15T18:42:00.000-07:00

No, I haven't achieved anything. I have just managed to make a short term goal for myself. Usually the fear of failure prevents me from making goals. I am well and truly sick of how much weight I have put on, I am sick of complaining about it and I am most sick of not fitting into my clothes.

Time for action, me thinks.

And here goes my plan:

My goal is to lose 5 pounds in 1 month. Is that achievable? I don't know, but I am going to try. and I am going to be healthy and sensible about it.

1) I am going to cut out chocolates! Is this a sensible goal? Probably not, but if I don't go cold turkey, I am never going to give it up or eat it in moderation and before long Obesity and all the associated health issues will come knocking on my door.

-- This is going to be incredibly hard, but nothing ventured, nothing gained.

2)Try to reduce my carb content. My body does not process carbs very well. Every time I eat carbs, I only get more hungry. I get incredible cravings for breads and pasta!

3) Exercise. I am already exercising quite regularly. My gym membership is going to waste and I have recently cancelled my membership. However most days I do atleast 30min of moderately fast walking on the treadmill. I shall keep this up and try to add in a few toning exercises.

4)Stop eating everytime some thing goes wrong at work and every break I get I do NOT have to buy a chocolate bar. This goal ties in nicely with no. 1!

Let us see. I shall report back at the end of 1 week, so that would be next wed regarding my weight and how I am holding up with these crazy goals.

So Sick of

2011-03-13T13:19:00.000-07:00

1) My weight issues:

I over indulge, then feel bad about it. What is the point? I am stuck in such a repetitive vicious cycle.

2) Waiting for Mr Right! time to start living life on my own terms and stop waiting for Mr Right, who appears to be extremely slow and lost his way.

-- What makes this so much harder is nosy relatives and friends of my mum who keep pestering her about when I am getting married. For F's sake, if I was getting married we will let you know, STOP ASKING. Its RUDE and it makes me feel really bad.

3) Procrastination. I am currently doing that, which reminds be, back to study now!

Awkward

2011-03-13T03:29:00.001-07:00

Going out to dinner/lunch with married/couple friends.

Makes me feel like the 3rd wheel!

Commitments

2011-03-13T03:22:00.001-07:00

I make a lot of promises, but hardly ever stick to them. Case in point, how many times have I made the promise to write more regularly in my blog or to stop eating chocolates? Many many times.

Well, I have to accept certain facts of life. Many a time after work, I only have enough energy to have dinner and fall into bed. No time to study or think or blog.

I should also accept the fact that I am never going to be able to give up chocolate. I don't have a lot of vices, so this is one vice I am just going to have to live with. I allow myself to eat chocolates and even enjoy it, however try not to over indulge and go into binge mode once I've had one bite.

Another commitment I am very cautiously making is trying to give up television. I am half-hearted making this and hence setting myself up for failure even before I start. I begin tentatively, however unless I stop watching television cold turkey I am never going to pass my exams and only prolong the agony of never ending study!

The good, the bad and the ugly

2011-03-01T15:53:00.000-08:00

I saw Hairspray the musical with a couple of friends last week. It was really fun and enjoyable. Well worth the ticket price. The cast was really enthusiastic and songs were awesome and oh so contagious, I felt like singing and dancing along on the aisle.

Missed the Oscars, but caught up on all the gorgeous gowns. I loved Michelle Williams gown. How much has this girl changes since here days on Dawson's creek. I have been out of the entertainment world news of late, but did not hear much about Katy Holmes dress, wonder if she missed the Oscars? Note to self: google it!

Caught up with a couple of old friends I haven't seen in a really long time yesterday. One of them had recently gotten married (and by recently I mean last year, however hadn't caught up with here since the wedding, so recent to me). They made a really cute couple and made me really yearn for a partner of my own. Alas when that will happen remains a mystery. Also saw Rachel's 30th b'day on Friends re-runs and I need to come up with a similar 5 year plan soon! I want my fairytale ending and I really can't bring myself to settle. But do fairytales ever come true? Maybe I am a fool for believing in and hoping for that fairytale ending that is never going to come my way?

Apart from the above, have been trying really hard to settle into my new job. I am terrified of making a mistake/making a fool of myself and have been so anxious regarding it. Really need to chill a little bit!

I have been really stressed as well. Not long to go now, till my exams! Help!

Time to make a few changes

2011-02-14T02:41:00.000-08:00

My eating has been off this planet. A lot of things in my life have been stressing me out lately, culminating in me pigging out every night and then being really upset about it. Absolutely no point in such behavior and its about time I did something to change it.

There is no point in being sad about the what ifs and what nots and hence the most productive course of action will be to be happy with what I have got and make the most out of the things I have. I need to chillax and stop worrying so much.

Unfortunately I can't add a lot of exercise to my new health kick, due to back pain (Here's to hoping and praying that its not a disc issue). However I am keen to get my eating back on track, hopefully lose a few pounds and this may help with my back and knee issues too.

I've been reading the 'Art of Happiness' by DalaiLama. I have just started, however it looks uplifting and promising. Just what I need right now.

Growing Up/Left Behind

2011-02-12T18:58:00.000-08:00

I went to a birthday party yesterday. A 21st birthday party. The birthday boy is quite a bit younger than me, he is the last of the kids to turn 21. Our parents were all close friends and hence we grew up together. I have known these people since I was a ten year old and I was the oldest. The b'day boy was a 3 yo!

How time has passed. So much has happened in the intervening years. We used to meet each other at least once a year at each others b'day parties when we were younger. Once we started going to university and then working, the parties were no longer organised by mum and dad, they moved location to a favorite club or pub or restaurant. So it has been a while since we had a party at home. Yesterday's party was organised by the parents for family and friends. It was like old times again. Same old house, same old room. We were all sitting there in that room, exactly where we had sat many a time in years gone past, celebrating a 10th or 11th b'day, over 10 years ago.

10 years is a long time. We had all grown up in that time. Moved on with life. Almost everyone there was working now. Everyone there had brought a partner. Everyone was so grown up and adult as expected.

I felt that, despite having advance in years, my life had not progressed in the intervening years. I had been so focussed on studying hard and working had that life had just passed me by. There was no partner to go with to this party or to stand by my side. There was no kids or mortgage. I felt young and foolish at heart. This was not where I had expected to be at the age of 28.

I felt so left behind.

2011-02-08T22:26:00.000-08:00

Life is hard sometimes. Disappoints one after the other pile up. Finding the strength to keep fighting is even harder:(

Goodbyes and New Beginnings

2011-02-05T04:32:00.000-08:00

Its been a tough year. Its been a tough 6 months. Today was my last day. It has been a tough ride, with many lows and not many highs. Part of the reason I had such a difficult time was due to my mental demons and partly due to the long hours and sheer the mental exhaustion.

I have to say, I have learnt a lot from this job, but I am more that ready to move on.

I really hope I do well at my new job. I really hope I won't disappoint myself or my colleagues. I am so nervous! I hope I don't let my lack of self confidence jeopardize things. I know I am smart and capable and can do anything I set my mind to. I just need to start believing in myself more.

Today, I came home after yet another stressful, exhausting shift and PIGGED out! Anyways, I know I have made this promise many many times before. However this time I really do mean it. Tomorrow is a new day. No more junk food, regular exercise and gym. Time for a new beginning.

Hopefully I have lady luck with me.

Pretty Little liars

2011-02-05T04:30:00.000-08:00

Is anyone else as addicted to show as much as me?

Time Saver

2011-02-03T16:03:00.000-08:00

I just logged on to the internet to check my email. I then said to myself, just a couple of mins of facebook, just to say hi to a couple of friends, 50 mins later, and I am still logged on!

I finally joined a gym again!

2011-02-03T03:11:00.000-08:00

I almost forgot to mention, I joined a gym again. Yay! Haven't actually gone in yet though, but am going to start going at least 3 to 4 times a week and focus on strength training and toning. I am really excited and looking forward to starting. They have trainers at this gym who provide free training:)

Strength training, here I come! Flabby arms, thing of the past!

As Time goes by

2011-02-03T02:40:00.000-08:00

Listening to As time goes by, by Jimmy Durante and all the other versions out there. LOVE this song.

While channel surfing today, I came across an old episode of 'as time goes by' It is such a beautiful and funny show. A lovely story, played so sensitively by Dench and Palmer. I loved every second of it and was so hooked on it that I couldn't switch back to the show I had been watching. I also really liked the music for the opening credits and the scenes they show of the beatles, princess Diana and prince Charles' wedding pic. How time really has gone by! Now prince William is getting married!

I have since been searching on youtube for the title soundtrack for 'As time goes by' by Joe Fagin which is proving to be difficult to find, but plenty of covers for this beautiful song. I especially love the Casablance version.

I'm distracting myself from the fears that plague me regarding my new job that I shall be starting soon. It is terrifying to think about all the new things I need to learn, new bosses to meet and try to impress, new colleagues to meet and get along with and all the while trying to look like I belong and trying to fit in.

I really want to make a good impression. I desperately want to fit in and do a good job, the best possible job I can do and I don't want to let myself or my bosses or the consumers down. It is going to be a very steep learning curve with so many, many challenges that I will have to face head on.

Team Work

2011-02-01T18:16:00.000-08:00

One of my co-workers has come up with some freakin' excuse to get out of working most of the unpleasant shifts, for example week ends and nights. This makes me so angry. This means everyone else has to pull this person's weight on top of their already heavy work load and barely have time to have a life.

It annoys me because, I have been working so hard as a result of it, that I forgot about one of my best friend's birthday.

I have not had the time to catch up with my friends or exercise or study or have a life because of this selfish co-worker. And all this while they are partying and having a blast. Life is just not fair sometimes. I hope there is Karma. I have to believe in karma to stay sane when people treat others like this.

I just needed to blow off some steam. Deep breath................

The week that was

2011-01-29T04:02:00.000-08:00

My promise to update everyday did not last very long. To be fair to myself, I have been working night duty. Working nights messes with my rhythm and I end up eating too much, sleeping not enough, putting on weight, and become more emotional.

The week is thankfully over! I feel free, however today has been so busy trying to catch up with all the things that I desperately had to. When I am on nights, I feel like I cannot do anything useful. I simply exist in a state of limbo and can only summon enough energy just to go to work.

The week that has been (the light hearted stuff!)

1) Rafa Nadal getting ousted from the Australian open! I was planning on watching him tomorrow as I missed his matches last week due to work. I am not al all interested in the men's finals now and may just skip it tomorrow

2) Oh my God, how much junk food did I consume over the past week?

This has to stop and I need to join the gym. I might join the gym at work on monday. I am sick and tired of how I have been looking. I desperately need to loose atleast 10 pounds stat!

3) My friend introduced me to this musician Sia Furler. Amazing music. Beautiful voice. I want their cd.

4) I got the parenthood dvd. I really liked this show and am a huge fan of Lauren Graham, after Gilmore girls. She is an amazing actress and deserves so much more success that she has received.

5) I need to stop spending so much money on entertainment and clothes. To be fair, I found this dress I absolutely loved a couple of months ago. I initially could not find the size and I searched hard in all the stores. I then got fed up with it and when I finally did find the size I was over the dress and did not feel like spending the money. Today I went shopping with my mum after work and came across this dress, One 5th of the price it had been when I had so coveted it. How can I refuse? It was so cheap, and I had loved it so much initially that I bought it.

2011-01-24T21:37:00.000-08:00

I am on night duty at work. I'm sleep deprived and grumpy. Can't seem to form coherent thoughts to write a blog entry.

Not a good sign for my write something down every day!

How awesome is Washington, the musician!

Random thoughts

2011-01-22T22:38:00.000-08:00

Day 1 of project write something! Its too hot to think clearly, so here goes random thoughts in my head.

Its too hot to exercise today and really shouldn't push my knee, however it is feeling slightly better and I feel like going for a long walk. Only if the weather was a little bit cooler though.

There is more tennis on television! Woohoo!, More time to spend procrastinating.

I've been hooked on this new show, Pretty little liars. Its so well written and directed, I love it. Can't wait to find out who A is! Hope they don't drag telling us about who A is for multiple seasons.

Lessons learned

2011-01-22T05:01:00.000-08:00

I have just finished watching the australian open 3rd round tennis match of Nadal vs Tomic. I am a huge fan of Nadal and have been ever since he 1st beat Federer back in 2004 or 2005 at a point in his carrier when he appeared unbeatable. I am always drawn toward supporting the underdog, however now that Nadal is at the top, I continue support him.

It was a great match to watch. The score line did not do the match justice and Tomic seemed to pushed Nadal to the max. This unknown kid, ranked 199 did not seemed phased by playing the world number 1. There were periods when I was seriously worried that Nadal may lose. He prevailed as expected. Gave everyone a fright and left the commentators struggling to come to terms with Nadal being pushed so unexpectedly.

There are so many things I admire about Nadal and watching him play today, I felt that he has so many characteristics that are so admirable and I feel that learning from them can help me become a better person.

Here goes,

1)He is such a competitor: Never gives up and fights for every single point, no matter how futile it may appear. (This is a great trait to develop. I feel that I give up too easily some times and I think persistence is something I should work on)

2)He is so humble

3)Always tries to be the best! He works hard for every point, works hard for his fitness and works hard on his game, always looking at his weak points and thinking about where he can improve. --> Looking at ourselves and learning from our mistakes and trying to better what we are doing, even when we are at the top is something really admirable and allows one to reach greatness.

4)Really friendly at the interviews! And respectful of his opponent, of the fans and the interviewers.

I feel inspired to apply these principles to my fitness, to my work and to my life.

Life is a gift, it is precious and unpredictable. There is no point feeling sorry for oneself, for worrying about things we have no control over, sweating over the little things. In the time we've got, we've got to go out there, try out best. No regrets, give it a shot and don't look back!

2011-01-21T15:03:00.000-08:00

Writing makes me feel better. I should indulge in it more often.

Let me try to write something down every day for a month, even if its just 1 sentence or depressing I shall persist.

An exercise in self discipline

2011-01-21T14:35:00.000-08:00

2011 has not been a great year for me so far. Usually I love the start of a new year. In january I'm usually in the honeymoon phase with the new year. A time for fresh starts, new resolutions, A time for hope!

This year, I had a bad start to the new year, and it seems to be going down hill in all facets. I am terrified of the new job I'm going to be starting in 2 weeks time. I am scared of letting everyone down including myself. I am scared to not being good enough to do this job. There is so much to learn and not enough time.

I am worried about my knee. What is wrong with it? Is it just a strain? Is there ligament injury? Its not like I have been exercising and no other source of trauma to the knee. This is preventing me from exercising which has been really frustrating.

I am devastated as each new day passes me by and I am still single, not having found anyone. What can I do? I feel like I am too old now to try and meet that special someone. I however don't want to compromise and do not want to settle for the wrong person. Is it wrong of me to hope that love can still happen? That my special someone is still out there and that I will meet them?

New Year resolutions

2011-01-02T04:32:00.000-08:00

I usually write a list of resolutions that I then proceed to ignore during the rest of the year. This year I was working very long hours on new years eve and new years day, so did not have the time to write that list, so here goes.

1) I will stick to my diet plan

2)I will not have any more chocolate for the rest of the month of January

3)I will try to go out more often and try to stop moping around

4)Believe in my self. Believe in the fact that I can do everything I set my mind to.

5)Join a gym: I shall wait until february to do this

So I was working on January 1st and had a very challenging day. It was chaos at work. I came home in tears from the stress of it all. Today was an especially difficult day for me. A real challenge. I have to learn to face these challenges head on. Not be scare and crack on. Thats my goal.

Happy New Year

December Blues

2010-12-20T00:03:00.000-08:00

Its christmas! I usually love christmas. I love the hustle and bustle in the shopping centres as people hurriedly do their christmas shopping. The excitement hanging in the air, the christmas carols playing loudly everywhere and the general good cheer that seems to be everywhere around this time of the year.

Instead this year, I have been so busy that it doesn't feel like christmas. It feels more like january or february that time of year when everything is winding down. To make matters worse I am working throughout christmas and new years:( I was so hoping for something to happen that hasn't which has been incredibly disappointing. And I have hardly been to the shopping center in December at all.

Time for some shopping therapy me thinks! and to get all my christmas shopping done in a couple of days!

Listening to Corinne Bailey Ray. Love her music:)

Will power? Thing of the past

2010-11-27T18:12:00.000-08:00

I've reached my lowest point yet with this fight against the bulge. I really don't understand why I did this, but there was 3 fucking cake pieces sitting on the kitchen counter and of course I just HAD to have all 3 of them!

I am so unbelievably upset with myself about this. I am trying to find a way to validate this but can't find anything. I am so disappointed in myself. I am only hurting myself and absolutely lack will power:(

I cried and cried some more and have now wiped away the tears, dug up some optimism and am going to try yet again.

Procrastination

2010-11-18T04:44:00.000-08:00

So I've just exercised for half an hour on the treadmil, washed my hair, watched an episode of gilmore girls and just to prolong the procrastination and here, online, blogging. And I just read an article about procrastination!

I also cleaned my room quite thoroughly today and organized my book shelf. All of this while I should have been studying.

I just don't get it and other rambles

2010-11-17T05:41:00.000-08:00

I'm so frustrated with my weight. I have been eating well, exercising and no budge on the scale. Its annoying that I can't fit into my fat pants! Pants that have been too loose for me over the past 4 years.

I'm going to keep persisting with the healthy eating and exercise. I have a friend who has tried the meal replacement shakes and lost a lot of weight, so I have been so tempted to try them. It will make meal planning so much less complicated and save so much time as well. But I think I will crave real food too much and might end up messing everything up.

I bought Taylor Swift's new CD today. I really liked fearless and was excited to get this CD. Still a bit undecided on how I feel about it. I usually don't buy cds at full price when they 1st come out, so this was a bit of an expensive purchase for me.

There is also the story of Prince William and Kate getting engaged. Its difficult to find a channel on TV that isn't showing the announcement. This made me even sadder regarding my plight of singleness! I remember being 14 and having a huge crush on prince William all those years ago. He was so adorable and my heart ached for him and Harry when Diana passed away. Now he's all grown up, getting married! Lucky Kate! All the best to them.

Frustrations

2010-11-15T15:33:00.000-08:00

I have been eating well, no more junk food. BUT I'm gaining weight!

How is that possible?

I haven't been exercising as much of late, so that may be contributing. So next step, try to step it up on the exercise/activity levels.

The thought of fitting back into my jeans and pants is keeping me going!

Social Network

2010-11-13T05:12:00.000-08:00

I saw the social network today. I have never been a very big fan of facebook and only log on once a month or so, and therefore was not too keen on seeing this new film. I had noted the great reviews however and when my friend suggested it today, given that there was no other movie we particularly wanted to see, we ended up seeing the social network.

I loved this movie. A lot of the reviews I had seen mentioned that the lead was difficult to like, however I really liked Mark. I felt that he was portrayed splendidly by Jesse Eisenberg. I was completely able to empathize with his character. Adam Garfield playing Eduardo was really cute too! It ended up being a surprisingly enjoyable movie.

I'm still doing relatively well with the eating. Really need to include more exercise.

Keeping up appearances

2010-11-12T03:33:00.000-08:00

Listening to 'Where do I begin (Love story)' by Shirley Bassey.

I have been good with my diet today. Luckily the cravings for chocolates have not returned as of yet and to be honest the thought of chocolates is making me feel nauseated! Hopefully this feeling lasts!

No exercise today, but work was really busy so hopefully I burned some calories there. Lazy bones, have to get back on the treadmill again tomorrow.

In other news, I really really wish I wasn't so nervous about speaking with my bosses. I get so nervous and tongue tied. I am so disappointed in myself. I really need to work on this. I need some coping strategies:(

Update: day 2

2010-11-11T01:30:00.000-08:00

So day 2 has been going well so far. My food choices have been good, despite some epic mental struggles. I went out to lunch with friends, and spent a lazy summer day catching up in the sun which was absolutely beautiful.

I really enjoyed catching up with my friends for lunch and made a fairly safe choice regarding food with which I am very happy. I haven't felt this in control of my food in a long time and I really hope this feeling lasts and that I make good progress towards my weight loss goals.

Update 1 (10/11/10)

2010-11-10T13:02:00.001-08:00

So day 1 of trying to change my diet and lifestyle went well. I stuck to plan most of the day and most importantly did not crave chocolates for the 1st time in a long time. I still made some unhealthy food choices, but from where I'm standing, only way is up!

I also briskly walked on the treadmill for 30 min. Its not like a proper gym work out but I am getting there.

I went shopping again today and got a cute purple top. I hope I am not transferring my food addiction to shopping. There is no way my budget will stand it. However I am usually not a big spender and I think I have got the shopping out of my system.

Spectacular Fail

2010-11-10T12:59:00.000-08:00

Written on 09/11/10, but my internet wasn't working and now I'm not sure how to back date posts on blogger.

I ate so much chocolates today, to the point where I physically felt nauseous. This was in addition to the my friend's left over birthday cake that I had heavily indulged in earlier in the day. I don't know or understand why I keep abusing my body this way. Maybe its because I feel so lonely or every time my mother talks about my unmarried state I feel like eating (hurting myself in someway I suppose. Some people cut them selves to get rid of the pain and I eat.

I don't understand why I should feel like this. I am sabotaging all my effort in having worked so hard to loose the weight in the 1st place. I am successful, beautiful, talented member of society and I deserve to meet someone special. I deserve to be loved and I deserve to be happy. I shouldn't have to settle for someone just because my mother thinks I am getting too old to still be single. For fuck's sake I am only 28. I should be happy being single instead I am so damn miserable, stuffing my face with food and only hurting myself in the process.

Anyways today I picked myself up from the rubble, dusted myself off and threw away the remainder of my chocolate stash I had bought a while back after a bad day at work. I have had my binge, I am not going to beat myself up about it. I am going to accept that this had unfortunately happened, however it is most certainly not something that is going to happen any more.

I know I have made promises about food many many times, however this time I am absolutely freaking serious. I am going to stick to this. I am going to lose weight damn it.

I am also not going to feel bad about being single. I am going to treasure each day, live every day to the fullest and be happy. I am going to be thankful for everything I have got.

Pep talk

2010-11-08T06:39:00.000-08:00

Listening to last christmas by Glee cast. I loved this song in the OC too.

Can't sleep. Since returning from my vacation, I think I've got post-holiday blues. I have been struggling to focus on anything and have been feeling down about my holiday.

Time to get my life in order:

1)Time to stop the negative thoughts and blaming myself for everything

2)Time to stop caring so much what everyone else thought

3)Time to start exercising and eating well and taking care of myself.

Starting Over

2010-11-06T18:51:00.000-07:00

Its been a while since I last posted. Initially it was because my computer adaptor stopped working and I had to get a new one, which cost me nearly as much as what my computer is worth now. That was an unexpected expense I could have done without. Such is life.

The new adapter I had bought did not work initially either, but thankfully the shop exchanged it for one that did, so all good where my dear computer is concerned, at least for now.

Secondly I went away on holidays! Yay! It was over all too quickly, but I really enjoyed my time away. I was partly feeling guilty about taking the time to go away when I had so much studying to do for exams and the anxiety attacks sporadically came on which was annoying. However I am back now I can focus on studying. I do want to remember forever the blueness of the ocean, the beautiful sunny sky. Whiling away lazy hours playing tennis, swimming or lying in the sun by the pool with a cold drink ;) Hanging out with one of my oldest friends :)

The place we went to was full of young families with little children. Looking at them made me yearn for a family of my own, however while I was there I made a promise to myself not to yearn for that. Its been making me too unhappy and I am sick of feeling unhappy and sorry for myself.

The unfortunate thing about going away though is that I gained 5 lb. It may seem like a small number, but for someone like me, its going to be a real struggle to try and shift this weight, especially as its in addition to the 8 lb I had already gained this year. Only thing I can do is move forward: Starting from today I am going to try and be healthy with my diet. I will give this healthy, zen attitude towards my diet a week and if I am still struggling to control my eating, then I may try one of the meal replacement plans that are around.

I hate that I gain weight so easily! I hate that I love sweets and deserts. Why couldn't I have had a sweet tooth for fruit!

Starting weight: 132 lb (07/11/10)

Next weigh in: 14/11/10: I'm hoping to lose atleast 2-4 lb by then

Stronger

2010-10-24T04:42:00.000-07:00

Since my previous post, I have decided to stop being so darn sensitive about everything in my life. Lets show a bit of maturity, be the bigger person and move on. I have to stop internalizing things. I need to learn to deal with issues when they arise, and then move on instead of pondering for days about what ifs and what nots.

I need to become stronger.

Its a big ask but I will do it. No one is going to make me feel bad about myself. I am no longer going to let the littlest things upset me to such a great extent.

I will become stronger.

I have been listening to 'Thirsty merc' a lot lately. Loving them:)

Tough Day

2010-10-20T04:45:00.000-07:00

I am so sick of being caught in the middle and running around at work and being treated like an absolute gopher. I don't understand and wonder how some people get away with being so rude and horrible to others. I feel that it is so important to respect people and there is no excuse about this.

I met someone at work today who was being verbally abusive to others who were trying to do the best they could under the circumstances, who was calling others stupid! And who was being an inconsiderate rude troll to everyone. My question is, how does someone survive like that? They should be made to face the consequences.

I really need to stop internalizing things and being so effin' sensitive about everything.

Foot in mouth

2010-10-11T07:14:00.000-07:00

I keep saying the wrong thing at the wrong time. I really need to shut up and keep my feelings to myself instead of blabbering about them to everyone. I keep telling myself that I am going to, but somehow end up blabbering especially when I am upset about something.

I have just got to stop doing it.

I'm trying to cut back my food again or at least eat more healthy and cut out the junk food. I have sworn to stop eating chocolates, until the cravings go away at least. I have done well for 2 days. Baby steps, but given how out of control I was, I've got to start somewhere. I still came home from work today and looked everywhere to see if I could find some left over chocolate lying around:(

Hopefully about a week or so abstaining from chocolates will get rid of these intense cravings I seem to have for junk food.

Life keeps throwing lemons my way

2010-10-09T04:18:00.000-07:00

Work has been terrible for me this year. I've really struggled every single day and this has been incredibly difficult for me. Until last year, I felt confident and happy with my work, I got along well with my colleagues and enjoyed work. I was happy.

This year everything changed for the worse. I have had way too many conflicts with colleagues. I feel so unappreciated by my bosses and I have been so so unhappy and losing confidence in myself. I hate this. I feel my job sucking my soul away.

To make matters worse, I'm so disappointed with the whole crush issue. I haven't seen him since:( And even if I did see him, its not like he is going to be into me so it is probably best to bury this before my feelings get involved and I end up getting hurt again. I can't quite come to terms with being single for the rest of my life. I am unfortunately a romantic at heart and keep hopelessly hoping that I will fall in love one day and meet someone who will love me for who I am, and treat me with the respect I deserve and whom I can grow old with. I wish terribly that that person is my Crush:( Foolish me.

Exactly an year ago I lost control of my eating. Today it is time to take control of my eating and my life. No more moping around feeling sorry for myself and gorging on junk food. No more excuses about exercising. I am going to be get back on track. I am going to try and make the most of a terrible situation at work. Only about 6 months left:( Even if it may be the beginning of the undoing of me.

Listening to Alone Again by Gilbert O'Sullivan

I dreamed a dream

2010-10-06T04:10:00.001-07:00

I can't seem to stop thinking about him. When I get dressed to go to work I dress up for him. I'm always on the look out for him and just a glimpse will keep me smiling through the day.

Alas I wasn't so lucky today. And anyways, what am I thinking. There's no way he is going to be into someone like me.

I can only dream

Its just a little crush!

2010-10-05T05:30:00.000-07:00

So, there is a guy at work whom I think I have a crush on and its terrible! I can't believe like a school girl, I have a freakn' crush!
He's smart and cute and has beautiful hair:)

My heart races when I see him, having seen him early in the day will keep me smiling for the rest of the day. Just a look and I'm happy for the rest of the day with a bounce in my step. Thoughts of him, intrude into my brain even when I am at home too.

If only he had a clue that I existed. If only he had a clue how much I liked him and Most of All: Liked me back!

A month to forget

2010-10-02T08:22:00.000-07:00

September has been a quiet month in terms of blog posts. It has been a month of night shifts at work, which I have gotten through barely. It has been so stressful, very long hours. The lack of sleep, lack of exercise, comfort eating after another incredibly tiring and stressful shift! It has all taken a toll on me and I have emerged feeling mentally exhausted and weary.

I have been feeling so drained and down. However I have resumed some sort of routine, and have been to the gym in the last 2 days since I finished my last night shift for a while at least. The muscle pains from the lack of exercise are starting to leave my exhausted body. I really have no idea how I am going to keep going in this job for another 4 months.

If I keep working such horrid hours and am so tired after, when am I going to have time to meet someone? I am tired of being lonely. I want to settle down, get married, have those 2.3 children. I went to another friend's wedding ( a really close friend from university). I was very happy for her and her husband, but weddings have started to depress me now to see all those loved up couples, wishing I could meet someone too.... A girl can dream..........

Getting back on track

2010-09-07T05:54:00.000-07:00

I was doing so well in-terms of my eating. I had even lost a Kg. Then every thing fell apart on last Sunday. I went out to dinner with friends and had a pasta dish, that was too creamy and cheesy and bland. I didn't enjoy the dish but kept stuffing myself because I was hungry. When I got home, the guilty conscience reared its ugly head and since then I have been over eating. I hate this maladaptive behavioral pattern I seem to be falling into frequently. Its something I really need to start working on, but I am not even sure where to begin.
The worst thing about all of this is that I never used to have this habit even when I was over weight. Its something I seem to have picked up after reading about others going through. I am so disappointed in myself and have to try and stop myself. We shall see. Tomorrow is a new day.

I got the job I really wanted, starting next year and now I am really worried about not living up to expectations and letting everyone down. I've got to try and be organised about this so that I shall be fully prepared for this job. I am very thankful for this job as it was totally unexpected. Hope it all works out well.

On Repeat

2010-08-28T16:36:00.000-07:00

I have been listening to Adam Lambert's album on repeat continuously and am still not sick of it. I have been listening to it in the car, at home, at the gym! How awesomely talented is this guy.

Thirsty Merc's single "mouse trap heart" has been a pretty catchy tune.

The last time I was obsessed with an album was Michael Buble's Its time back in 2005. Listening to this album on repeat got me through studying for my mid year exams back then.

Life, love and other happenings

2010-08-28T06:19:00.000-07:00

I'm an year older. Heading towards that milestone of the big 3-0! In my head I don't feel a day over 18 and I think this is where I will stay forever!
I like feeling young at heart, however I have been feeling a bit sad thinking about all the mile stones a nearly 30 year old should have reached. The things I was sure would have happened by now. According to my plans as a teenager, I thought I shall be married by 24 and have a couple of kids prior to turning 30. Unfortunately these plans didn't work out. I still continue to live in hope that my prince charming is somewhere out there.

In other news I had a job interview last week. I am terrified. I really really want this job. Its been torture waiting for the results. I really don't want to even think about what I shall be doing next year if I don't get this job.

With all the stress in my life, my eating has been really bad and with working 13 hour days I really don't have any time for the gym. I'm really unhappy with where my weight is headed and have again made a promise to be healthy. I was doing quite well too for the past 2 days. Today my mum had bought a choc top ice cream and I couldn't say no. I tried to not let that lead to a binge and I'm quite happy with what I ate. Gotta keep this up now.

Thats the latest happenings in my riveting life now!

Cakes, Candles and Fun times

2010-08-16T07:06:00.000-07:00

I've just turned 28! Gosh that feels old. I remember turning 21 and making a big deal about being over the hill of 20 and that the next stop was 30! I am a lot closer to 30 now and its a bit depressing. I feel as if I haven't achieved any of the goals I had always thought I would have achieved for sure by the time I turn 30.

I usually love birthdays, but don't feel too excited, given that I have had a pretty shitty year. At least this time I am up at home relaxing. Last year I remember I was so busy that I had one of the worst shifts at work. My pager did not stop buzzing and I was exhausted and hence just chomping down on chocolates lying around, rationalizing that it was my birthday and given that I was working such a horrible shift, that I deserved it!

I hope I can achieve atleast some of the goals I had hoped to achieve this year. Happy Birthday to myself ;)

Fresh start #5051

2010-08-09T04:22:00.000-07:00

I went to a course today that was pretty intensive and stressful. It was in the city and I had a long commute, so had to leave home relatively early. Usually at these courses they provide food and as I was running late, I did not pack lunch. Imagine my disappointment when I saw that they had provided pizza for lunch! I'm sure it would not have cost them much more to order in a healthier option such as subway sandwiches or sushi/... I was starving by the time lunch came and over indulged. The carbs have since made me ravenously hungry and I pigged out on chocolates and ice cream when I got home.

The ravenous hunger may have also been triggered by the fact that I wasn't short listed for yet another job. I am devastated. The chocolates seem to be filling up this void inside of me. I know it is wrong to compensate for this disappointment.

It ends now! I am so going to start eating well from today on. Yet another fresh start!

Note to Self

2010-08-07T06:39:00.001-07:00

I'm writing this post now hurriedly to help me remember Sara Storer. Great musician I came across while randomly surfing the net. She is a country and folk singer, my favorite kind of music. I often forget great authors I had desperately wanted to read at one time or an awesome musician I really enjoyed listening to.

I'm really excited about this find and am going to try and find her CDs!

Just a reminder to self in case I forget.

Nautical clothing all the rage

2010-08-07T05:35:00.000-07:00

Every where I turn, some one seems to be wearing some form of horizontal stripes in their clothing. Be it the skirt/ top/ blazer/ shorts/ dress. This has left me with a hankering for some horizontal stripes of my own. I've already got red stripes tops, so I went in search of a blue/white striped t-shirt, however the cheapest and nicest I could find was a Cooper St dress with horizontal stripes that was on sale! Woohoo! I couldn't walk past that dress and the more I looked at it, the more I fell in love with it and thus bought it! It is a bit short for me, so will have to try and fix that somehow. The dress doesn't look with leggings so I'll have to think of something else:( I always end up spending too much money on clothes I really don't need when I am stressed/sad about something and this job situation has been quite stressful.

I have been avidly reading fashion blogs lately. My interest was captured by an awesome blog Frocks and Frou Frou. I usually wear what I can find that is clean and will take the minimum time to get dressed with minimum discomfort during the day. However reading this blog has definitely given me some ideas about dressing up and different styles to try and I am definitely going to give it a go!

Sad

2010-08-06T04:42:00.000-07:00

I can't believe its august already!

I'm not having a good month and its only the 6th! With a great deal of anticipation and excitement I applied to a lot of great jobs in the field that I really love. It involved a lot of hard work, tears and sweat to get the applications in.

I'm feeling so disappointed now. Not only did I not get a single interview, no one even had the courtesy to send me an email to inform me that I had been unsuccessful.

I have been devastated and stuffing my face for the sadness I have been feeling inside. I know this behavior is ridiculous and its got to stop. I desperately need to stop this weight again, but I am sick of continuously making promises to be good with my eating/exercise/... and never sticking to them.

Maybe I may use some reverse psychology on myself. Who knows it may work. I've tried everything else!

Progress on the weight front

2010-07-26T19:42:00.000-07:00

tom foolery aside, I have way over eaten today. Stress of work and job applications and my inertia towards these stressors has been really stressing me out, resulting in pigging out. On a positive note I have been going to the gym regularly over the past 4 days. I think I shall give today a miss though.

Spanish Summer

2010-07-26T19:13:00.001-07:00

Its been a great summer for the Spanish boys. They have been excelling at everything they play! 1st there was Rafa kicking off the season with splendid form, winning the French Open and Wimbledon in great style.

This was followed by the totally unexpected (to me at least, who had not been an avid follower of world cup football) victory for the Spanish Soccer players and

Last but probably not least, a Spanish dude wins the Tour de France:)

Winning matches with style, elegance and grace:)

Congratulations!!!

3)Alberto Contador making winning the yellow jersey (for the 3rd out of 4 times) at the tour de France

Girls night In

2010-07-25T15:01:00.000-07:00

I caught up with a couple of friends last week end at a friend's place. We stayed in, ordered take out and spent all evening chatting. I had an amazing time!

For someone who usually finds socializing tedious or stressful, this was so relaxing and fun.

In other news I pigged out. Add to that all the chocolates I have been wolfing down at work (what with the stress of trying to get a job I love but that is so competitive and numerous other issues, I have been turning to food especially chocolates for comfort).

One good thing I have been doing is being relatively consistent with going to the gym! I love the gym, however not the soreness all over especially by back and knees. I try to be incredibly careful of my knees and avoid all impact activities, however still end up with knee pain after a work out. I don't know what I am still doing wrong?

Watching Big Bang theory. How awesome is this show! I love sheldon and his OCD. Loving it!

Road Rulez!

2010-07-22T06:55:00.000-07:00

I was driving home after work on a 60 zone. I was driving at the speed limit when I saw a police car pass me by, certainly catching me by surprise!

Hope they were speeding somewhere important!!!

Love of my Life

2010-07-18T00:55:00.000-07:00

You look at me with tenderness

Say my name in that beautiful lilting voice of yours

I drown in the endless depth of dark pools that are your eyes

Butterflies in my stomach start fluttering when I see you

I am safe with you

Happiness flows through me when I see you

I trust you like no other

I know you will always be there for me

Look out for me and Love me

We would spend eternity together

I grow impatient of waiting to meet you

My sad sad attempt at writing poetry!

zumba!

2010-07-18T00:52:00.000-07:00

I've often noticed the long cues, the excited chatter of the group people waiting in the long lines patiently prior to Zumba classes. Mostly women of all shapes and sizes, often wearing colourful clothing, different to what you would normally see at the gym. I was curious about this new phenomenon in fitness taking over the country.

Often I am impatient to follow classes at the gym. I hate the constrictions it places on me, of having to stay for the whole hour, having to follow a routine of which I often get bored and being a complete klutz and hence struggle with the simplest of steps! Its a commitment I often do not make. The only classes I very reluctantly join are the cycle classes. So with great trepidation I asked for my Zumba pass (its so popular, that they have entrance tickets to limit the numbers!) on my way into the gym. After about half an hour of uninspired cycling, I went into the aerobics studio. Being a friday, it wasn't as crowded as usual, and the lines had been unusually short. Me with my head in the clouds had missed seeing the group enter and was thus half an hour late.

The studio wasn't as crowded as a normal Zumba class, but it was still a LOT more crowded compared to usual fitness classes. The room was a vivid mix of colour. Everyone was laughing, excited, having fun and exercising! The instructor looked like Rafael Nadal! A definite plus in my books! The music was great. The mood was jovial and fun. The dance moves were great.

However having two left feet, I struggled with keeping up. It was truly beautiful steps, but alas with my lack of coordination and rhythm I was unable to follow. I jumped around aimlessly for about half an hour, determined to at least burn some calories. However I soon got bored with my lack dancing ability and looking like an absolute idiot (despite being at the back of the class thankfully) and hence made a run for the door, during a water break, with my fingers and toes crossed that the instructor won't see me leave.

I escaped!

Zumba appears to be a really fun and exciting form of exercise for those of us adept at dancing. I shall stick to my cycle, cross trainer and trusty treadmill.

Cute

2010-07-14T03:57:00.001-07:00

Cute:)

Half way through 2010!!!!!!!!!

2010-07-02T03:30:00.000-07:00

OMG! I cannot believe we are half way through 2010! It only seems like yesterday we were welcoming in 2010!

I had so many hopes and dreams for 2010, of which none of them have really come true. Thats life which I accept and chose not to dwell on the failures. I am instead going to look on the positives, despite being few and far between.

My diet has been a disaster. Never mind. Time for a new start. The latter half of 2010 is going to be a success and I am going to achieve all my hopes and dreams.

1)Control my weight gain

- lose 5lb

2)Exercise more

3)Be more forgiving of myself. Try to be not so self-critical.

4)Stress out less. Be more calm and confident.

5)Believe that I can achieve anything I set my mind to.

Love Story

2010-06-28T04:13:00.000-07:00

Listening to Where do I begin [love story] by Andy Williams,

Smiling on the inside

Butterflies in my stomach

A beautiful movie that made me smile and cry at the same time

2010-06-26T07:12:00.000-07:00

I just saw Love Story with Ali McGraw and Ryan O'neal. I had borrowed it at the library a few days ago along with Frazier. Any free time I got I ended up choosing Frasier instead, as it was half hour episodes and easy watching when having lunch/dinner or relaxing after work.

However at work the other day some of my colleagues were fooling around, singing out theme songs and talk turned to Love story and the saying "Love means never having to say sorry". This made me curious about the movie and I saw it tonight and Loved it!

Ali McGraw is so pretty in this movie. I love how she is always bouncing around and has great clothes. I love her coats and the red dress she wore when going to see Oli's parents for the 1st time. I want a dress like that! I want a figure with legs like that too! Her energy in the film would be great too!

I was crying towards the end of the movie and I found it to be one of the most enjoyable movies I've seen in a long time. The scenary was really beautiful and it looks like the director really loved making the movie.

Addit: In terms of my diet, its been dismal. I have been exhausted with work and unable to stop eating. I've been really stressed with applying for jobs for next year as well, which is proving to be really difficult this year with so many many obstacles, that I almost want to give up. I'm so terrified of not getting this job for next year, that I alternate between telling myself I don't really want this job anyway to not wanting to apply at all and bury my head in the sand to freaking out and digging around the pantry/fridge and various other hiding places in the house looking for chocolates and other junk food.

I haven't been to the gym in about a week and I feel so slack about it. Being sick has been my excuse, but no more. I will be going to the gym tomorrow. I shall re start my no junk food policy for the millionth time as well. Whats a girl to do, but keep on trying.

Rocking the boat and making of goals

2010-06-21T06:08:00.000-07:00

I was on night duty last night, had a cold and was feeling blah - justification for my binge and halting of all the hard work and weight loss:(

I am back on track today, although haven't been to the gym. My excuse: recovering from night duty and not feeling well.

Hopefully jumping back on the weight loss bandwagon won't be too hard and the binge I had yesterday does not do any lasting damage.

I finally have a goal that I am going to document and strive for: Aim to loose 5Kg in 1 month. Checking back on 21st July. Its completely manageable and I have every intention of achieving this goal.

Art that makes me happy 1

2010-06-18T16:55:00.000-07:00

Maurice Utrillo makes me happy and wish I lived in the beautiful world he painted:)

Back in 2006, my cousin and I visited Paris for a brief holiday. One of the few museums we went (I can't seem to remember the name of the museum), had paintings of the likes of picasso, cezzane, Utrillo and many more. For some reason I was drawn to the paintings by Utrillo. The clean lines, simplicity and beauty made me want to inhabit that world. I remember staring at them, reluctant to move away despite my cousin's impatience given the packed day we had planned.

There was some thing about his paintings that made me want to keep staring, interpret and learn more about. And almost all of his paintings make me happy to see them.

What an amazing artist!

Weighing in

2010-06-18T16:30:00.000-07:00

I finally feel like I am making some progress with my weight. I have been eating relatively well and while my exercise routine is not as regular as it used to be, I feel that it has certainly been improving.

I have been going to the gym more often and working out more efficiently. Its funny now when I think back, I used to go to the gym, work out at a comfortable pace without breaking a sweat and come back home feeling great! I make sure that I break out into a sweat now.

The key now is to stick to the plan and hopefully I can start losing the weight that seems to have creeped back onto me.

SATC 2

2010-06-17T20:28:00.000-07:00

I was never a big fan of sex and the city while it was on TV. I would see the occasional episode, think it was funny, but would not be waiting to see the next episode. However when the 1st movie came out, I saw it. The main reason I saw it was peer pressure and everyone else had seen it by then. I wanted to see the pretty dresses and houses, escape into the fantasy of being able to live in the kind of luxury those girls were living in. Wouldn't you have to be a millionaire to live in the flats they had in New York City? Well I guess they had to be pretty well off to be able to afford those clothes and shoes as well!

The 1st movie was fun. I enjoyed it. I loved the beautiful wedding dress Carrie wore and all the drama of her and Mr Big getting together.

With SATC 2, I was not in the right mind frame to see it and I felt I was too stressed out about things happening with work and life to wish for that escapism. So when my friend called wanting to see it, I very reluctantly agreed and only because there was no other movie available that night that both of us could agree on! And I was pleasantly surprised. I really enjoyed the movie. It was the exact kind of escapism for a couple of hours that I had needed.

At the end of the movie I was bubbling with excitement and so happy that I had seen the movie. True the girls irritated me. Especially Carrie with the way she was treating Big! (Especially being single, I was annoyed by the fact that she had this amazing guy whom she had been chasing forever who adored her and was willing to do anything for her and totally didn't appreciate it. And what was all that about not wanting to become an old married couple? The whole purpose of marriage is having someone you love to grow old with you, warts and all!)

Anyhow it was a fun movie, despite all my Carrie issues!

Rock the ballet

2010-06-12T16:05:00.001-07:00

I went to see Rock the ballet with a few friends. It was fun getting dressed up and going into the city which I rarely do, mostly due to laziness. It was a fun night out and we went for coffee and desert afterwards to a place by the river.

Chatting away into the wee hours of the night with good friends was relaxing and I really enjoyed it. The ballet itself was interesting, however I am still not sure how I feel about it. I know I should have researched the ballet more prior to going in, but I didn't. I was expecting more of a classical ballet, more dancers and more female dancers as well. From that perspective it was disappointing.

The dancing itself without prior expectations was very good. The music was great and the 2nd half of the show was fantastic. It took some getting used to, to see these guys dancing in jeans and T-shirts. It made me feel like I was watching a rehearsal. I don't know enough about ballet to determine how technically good they were, but they were great to watch, very athletic and from what I could tell seemed to be brilliant dancers. The music was also very uplifting!

Fun night!

Weighty Issues

2010-06-09T05:40:00.000-07:00

I've been trying to eat healthy for a week, except for my chocolate pig outs! I had been going to the gym pretty regularly all of last week.

So today morning, I was pretty confident of seeing a loss or at least a stable figure, when I stepped on the scales prior to leaving for work. Imagine my disappointment and devastation at seeing a 2 Kg gain! I don't know what happened.

I freaked out. I was nearly in tears over this, until common sense took over and I have decided to be serious about my weighty issues!

- I've got to STOP eating chocolates/cakes/junk food.

- I'm also going to try and stop eating SO MUCH bread! I love bread and my carbs and fear that they are contributing to my weight gain

-Exercising regularly is a bit difficult for me, especially with my work schedule - shift work is terrible for exercising. I'm going to make an effort to go to the gym as often as I can though.

We shall see how this progresses.

Starting weight (09/06/2010): 60Kg

Weight Gained: 5Kg

Best Intentions

2010-06-07T08:05:00.000-07:00

Another tough day at the job. Didn't even have time for a bathroom break or dinner. Came home at nearly mid-night and pigged out. Then to top it all off had 2 chocolate freddos :(

Looks like I'm never going to learn and NEVER going to lose weight :(

Changes

2010-06-05T20:01:00.000-07:00

My weight has been increasing like crazy. I've been binging quite a bit of late, especially on junk food and chocolates. This is partly to be blamed on my mind set of late too.

I am determined to stop this weight gain and hopefully reverse it. I have hence sworn off chocolates. I have a friend who is protesting chocolates for ethical reasons (having palm oil). I have decided to join her in her protest, despite not fully understanding the implications of chocolates having palm oil. (more research on this required).

I have also decided to exercise more. Try to be more regular at the gym. There was a time a couple of years ago when not going to the gym was not even an option. I used to wonder how people could avoid exercising on a regular basis. I used to be surprised at how people used to eat junk food! I at the time naively thought I would never reach that place when I would have to drag myself to the gym or struggle really hard to say no that 2nd or 3rd piece of chocolate cake!

'Listening to Michael Jackson, the man is indeed a musical genius!'